In the Flow

Tangled Web #4 (c) 2010 Ayn Hanna (24"x24") Textile Painting (cotton canvas, cotton fabric hand-dyed by the artist, paint, paint sticks, metallic thread

I wrote a post last month about Feeling My Way where I introduced my work-in-progress on these Tangled Web textile paintings.  It’s been very intriguing to me how these pieces have evolved so I wanted to capture the story as it is happening.

First, in that earlier post, I didn’t include a photo of this image above, Tangled Web #4, primarily because I thought it was a lost cause and that I probably wasn’t going to pursue completing it and instead would just go with finishing the 3 others in the group which I had some excitement about.  This poor little #4 piece was off on it’s own.  I thought it was boring and flat compared to the others.

And then a funny thing happened.  I think I was procrastinating about diving in to finishing the other 3 pieces (because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do to finish them and I didn’t want to “mess them up” or perhaps ruin them by working on them without having a clear picture in mind of what I was trying to get them to be), and so, I picked #4 back up and started working with it, because hey, it was a lost cause so whatever I might do to it wasn’t going to matter…I couldn’t mess it up or ruin it because it was already a goner, right?

And so I gave myself permission, and free reign to play, and it was exhilarating and FUN!  And before I knew it, I had cut it up and it became this very engaging, exciting, and energized piece which I loved!  Not only that, but it became so interesting that all of a sudden as I looked at the other 3 pieces up on the design wall, THEY now started to seem less interesting and even a bit boring!  Oh my gosh, what have I done?

Ok, so what just happened here?

1.  I do believe that I (as we all are) am constantly changing and becoming my next self.  I am not the same person today that I was yesterday, this morning, or an hour ago.  What looked like an interesting (or boring) work in progress yesterday, now appears different because I am different – fascinating stuff!

2. I have a big picture plan, am practicing Law of Attraction and am very tapped into my feelings these days.  I’m really concentrating on staying in touch with how I am feeling as I make my way through my day.  And I’m especially tuned into noticing the things that make me feel good, fully experiencing that good feeling, and drawing more of that same stuff to me.

3. In combination with #2, I’m also trying to soothe myself into enjoying more of moving ahead without a clear picture of where I’m going.  It’s a teeter-totter between the rush of excitement and adventure of a wild ride, and some hesitance because of the unknown.  But what I’ve discovered here recently (and this played out for me in the course of completing Tangled Web #4), is when I Trust that what I am getting is the good stuff that I’m drawing to myself, I’m much more OK with moving ahead along the path without clearly knowing the destination.  And what’s more is that I am LOVING this journey!

Don’t get me wrong – I am a major Planner, and I do have a big picture plan and I have my compass set, but I’m also really realizing how much more fun the journey is when there’s some mystery to it and it isn’t all planned out.  You never know what might be around that next corner, but it’s bound to be something really cool and interesting and whatever it is, I will appreciate and embrace it because it’s what I’ve drawn to myself.

I knew on some level when I started these Tangled Web pieces that they are significant and have some importance.  They emerged from within and I have been getting to know them as they are developing.  It’s so interesting to me that #4 is the first one to be completed, especially since it was headed for the trash, and it causes me to see the other 3 so differently now.  It’s also helped me understand and put into words what is going on with my own personal development.  I know there’s more to come as I finish the others as well.

I did dive into working on #1 after finishing #4 and it is close to complete now as well (photo below).   I’ll post the final image once it’s complete and write my thoughts about it once I have the words to talk about it.

Tangled Web #1 (c) 2010 Ayn Hanna (24"x24") Textile Painting (cotton canvas, cotton fabric hand-dyed by the artist, paint, paint sticks, cotton and wool threads)